In that nano moment between the beginning of thought and the beginning of breath, it has sunk back into the primordial swamp, that glimpse of realization, that wisp of clarity.
There was a time not that long ago, when I left Der Schweiz with a backpack and not much else. That tremendous sense of laughter and freedom… I can still taste that with my being.
Standing here at the top of the stairs, I am admiring the gurgling of the water in the fish pond, and vivid green of the urban oasis we built in the house. I’m thinking, this is what I’ve been wanting to build, a space for the community of like-minds, who all want to live life built on meaning and purpose. I am also thinking that here is the opposite moment of that ‘backpack’ moment of the last that I saw of Switzerland. This is the re-entry into the social-economic scene of normal life.
This is the culmination of 7 years of journeying the byways and highways of the inner landscape. Of searching for a new way to re-org all the myriad intentions, learnings and impulses to build a safe place for myself and others to explore the full human potential. We are calling it Gallery Helios, Centre for the Art of Mind-Body Wellness. Community. Art. Mind. Body. Wellness.
This is a business. I have shareholders. And fixed costs, but what a beautiful fixed cost, a house in the traditional Peranakan style with a modern interior, a staircase built to visually disappear at nightfall. 4500 square feet with skylights and an airwell. Standing here, I’m mulling over how this has come about.
The Healing Place
In meditation one day, I saw myself sitting in a pavilion on a high place looking over water. It was a space of healing and rehabilitation, a retreat in the mountain. It was simply called The Healing Place. It would also have a city-center Centre, from where the weary (and the weird ) would find solace and re-charge, or start a deeper journey or climb higher heights. And so here we are, starting part 1.
i saw one today. i hadn’t seen or thought of him in 11 years at least. Yet without looking i knew this was the old enemy and there appeared a bad taste in the mouth, and i felt like i had to wash my hands. The old feelings of despise and contempt rose up like bile, and took me completely by surprise.
So while i feel like i have done a lot of inner work, i realize that there is no room for complacency, and that i need to continually release all the projections of my unlived, unacknowledged shadows. There are principle and ethics, and we naturally get angry when our values are violated. But i have the tools, thank goodness, to quickly deal with energy leakages such as this. The ego-self that we hold on to and protect… on this post i’m using “i” instead of “I”.
Well, i’m grateful i could practice what i preach today. And having dealt with it, now i think he just had the bad luck of being my projection of most of the things that rile me in the dog-eat-dog world…. and he really was doing the best he could, with the tools he had…
May be it’s just me, but I’m a bit nervous about the pletoria of spiritual gurus, holistic coaches, master practitioners on the internet. Take the 3 day course and call yourself a master of something. Pay via credit card and have some one sitting on the other side of the world who claims to have ascended masters read your life….. how to separate the wheat from the chaff?
One thing I know for sure. From my training experience with Russ Hudson and Tim Mclean of the Enneagram Institute, these 2 gentlemen definitely practise what they preach. When a teacher gives of himself/herself without avarice, from the heart, magic happens in the class. There is no need for loud music, no need for hype, no need to jump up and down. The senses are engaged. The mind is tuned in. The heart is open. When the teacher is ready, the students are FULLY PRESENT.
In the archetypical journey of the hero, the first half of life is about individuation – building a self – birth, childhood, growth, education, striking out on life’s adventure to claim one’s stake on the world. The second part of life is about dismantling the self – being discontent with what was once desired, trying to find deeper meaning, departing into the wilderness / the enchanted forest / the underworld – pick your myth – to confront our deepest fear / retrieve the golden fleece / rescue the princess and hopefully, transcend into wisdom / ascend to the throne / enlightenment – again, pick your myth.
Symptoms of having reached what pc people call the mid-life transition, others call it the mid-life crisis:
Middle-age gent in red ferrari installed with young blond in front seat
Successful corporate exec suddenly looses all sense of self – retrenched, identity-less, worthless, lost
Men and women living lives of quiet desperation – grinding to a halt.
Everything feels stuck, stagnated, stifling. Life becomes disenchanted, meaningless, directionless, demons come out and play with our fears. Our shadows overwhelm us. We loose faith in ourselves and the world. We escape into online games, tv, illness, dramatic love affairs…. Or we seek wisdom, solution, resolution.
Depression, despair, desperation, defeated. Welcome to the descent. It’s the opportunity to drop all your baggage.
It’s not a nice place to be. It will be hard. It will be painful. The danger is not the pain you will face, cos you are equal to that which you create. The danger is not that you won’t find the golden fleece cos that is pre-disposed to be found.
The danger is you might get seduced by the wilderness / underworld / enchanted forest and wish to dwell there forever.
Themes: Carl Jung, Joseph Campbell, Collective Unconscious, Tarot and the Journey of the Hero